Everything about him screamed your future.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
