I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
