I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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