is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
