Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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