her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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