mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
