omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i think i just lost a toe
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
