it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
