I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
