i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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