Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
