Say something about gay babies.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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