Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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