Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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