She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
