Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize