I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
