Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
