He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
