my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
