Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were trust falling into bushes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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