i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
