This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
