I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
