Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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