I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize