I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
