and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
