so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
did i just pee glitter
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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