Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
