So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
