Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
