it's not cheating when I paid for it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
