im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
