i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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