We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
