drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
