no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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