I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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