By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
