Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
