How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
