i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
