Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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