the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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