If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
