My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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