she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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