The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
