is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
