I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bring me that man meat
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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