Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was confusing and full of hummus
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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