I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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