It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
