Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have already put on my inside pants.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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