Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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