The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
