We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
