watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My pussy is not your playground.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
