How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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