so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
