Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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